y did u give ur computer a hand job?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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