I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
