just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
