He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
