His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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