I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
