I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
