you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
