Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
