happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My ATM looks so different sober.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Let's get the cat blown out
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