I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
