Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
