no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you never un-have a 4some
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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