The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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