Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
