Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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