god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
