She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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