you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Less talking, more tequila
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
