I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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