I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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