grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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