ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
