did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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