A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
