finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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