I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I intend to get homeless drunk
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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