So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
