Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
