in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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