Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
