is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
