Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
