I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
