I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
