you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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