I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
