She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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