So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
