She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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