Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
