Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
