I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
