My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Two words: blizzard sex
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
