I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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