btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
