At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
