A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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