She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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