I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
