you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
