Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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