This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
