I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
