did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
